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RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

SEATTLE—Despite not consuming a single alcoholic beverage throughout the entire event, local marketing associate Patrick Liepert is somehow managing to make a complete fool of himself at Precision Intermedia’s end-of-quarter party Friday, fellow employees confirmed.

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